AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU: THE GUILT TRIP

If you have ever tried to cut ties with someone or the friendship or relationship just went cold, you must have heard things like, “after all, I’ve done for you” or “ you never know when I might be useful” or “my door is always open” after they have committed their atrocities. This is what a guilt trip looks like. Its manipulation and creates resentment. It is a form of psychological abuse.

Examples of guilt trips

  • Someone does something offensive and then gets offended that you are offended. Or acts a fool and pretends like they never did anything wrong and that you are at fault. They forgive you for getting angry at their nasty behaviour.
  • They try and make it look like they did you a favour when in reality there wasn’t much in it for you, and they proceed to act as though they never got anything out of it. A perfect example is when a mother tries to manipulate a child into doing something and they go like “I gave birth to you” for goodness sake the child was born without their permission they didn’t even sign up for it.
  • They make you feel like something is your fault when it isn’t. So that you can “fix” it by doing as they are demanding. Unfortunately, these demands usually come across as requests and that is why they are so convincing.

Characteristics of guilt trippers

  1. They have a desire to be needed. That’s why they say things like, you never know when you will need me. These are people that are happy when you fail. They sit and eagerly await your downfall so that you can go back crying to them for help.
  2. They are insecure and feel unworthy They need to preach their worth. They want to be considered worthy even when they aren’t. That’s why they use phrases like, you never know when I might be useful to you.
  3. They are selfish. These are people who are only friends with you because of what they think they can get from you. They have no idea what true friendship is. They don’t mind sugar-coating the truth if it will get them what they want.
  4. They have a sense of entitlement They forget that friendship with anyone is a privilege and not a right. They believe that their friends owe them something or that they can make demands on them.
  5. They lack accountability. If they do something, and it doesn’t go according to plan, they will pin it on you. They will never accept the role they played that brought about the conflict and the only way to make it right according to them is to give in to their demands as usual.
  6. They aren’t genuine. They eagerly wait for you to be in trouble or need help so that they can use your situation to their advantage. What you see isn’t what you get and they are dishonest as well. 

How to deal with them

1. Don’t give in to their demands.

When dealing with guilt trippers you have to put a stop to it because they won’t. They are morally bankrupt, so don’t expect them to stop. When you give in to their demands the first time they will keep demanding, it’s a never-ending cycle. 

2. Consider their deeds paid in full.

 If they give you anything consider it a gift and appreciate it. If they expect something in return then that is business, that isn’t help and they shouldn’t trick you into thinking that they helped you because they didn’t. They did so for their own selfish needs. Instead of trapping you into something you had no idea about, they should have stated what they wanted in return from the beginning. 

3. Don’t make it your problem.

Don’t get mad and don’t get your feelings hurt. They are who they are. Nothing you do will be enough for them. If you get hurt then you are making it your problem. You are allowing them to project their insecurities on you.

4. Feel free to cut them off.

You don’t need them. Your sanity isn’t negotiable. Anything or anyone that threatens your sanity isn’t needed. If you managed to get out of a situation or friendship that was draining you, remember God will not allow you to crawl back to the hell hole, he dragged you from. If you ever need someone, he will send someone better your way.

 No one meant to be in your life will ever require you to betray yourself to keep them. – Anonymous  

  • For any further enquiries or if there is anything you would like me to address feel free to email me at knightlady039@gmail.com or leave a  comment.

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