WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN’T ACCEPT DEFEAT.

After the antics of one Donald the Trump. I found myself asking why is it that some people can’t accept defeat. I know it’s painful but, I think it’s harder for some people, especially men. Although that’s a topic for another day. Other people despite the loss, do accept defeat and actually even go ahead to acknowledge the effort and hard work that the winner put in and offer genuine congratulations despite their disappointment.

This is what I’ve found out as to why some people can’t stand defeat and some of the characteristics they share.

  1. They consider themselves superior to everyone. Their ego stands in the way. Unfortunately, ego and logic don’t go hand in hand. People with ego can only accept that which they want. They see and believe only that which suits them.
  2. They fail to accept that failure is part and parcel of life. They want only the good and not the bad.
  3. They can’t accept that their effort wasn’t good enough. They feel cheated out of something that they believe they worked hard for.
  4. Some people on the other hand are just entitled. They believe that they should get something without working hard for it.
  5. They lack personal responsibility. Some don’t want to accept that they should have done more. These are the people that will see someone succeed at something and say, you are just lucky. They would rather defend their inaction than do something about it. They are the experts at backhanded compliments.
  6. They are uncomfortable with change and accepting defeat changes the status quo.
  7. They want to protect their self-esteem. Self-esteem is the reputation we have with ourselves. Some people think that by accepting defeat they are siding with the other person and ganging upon themselves. So, they decide to stay put.
  8. They are pessimistic. They see defeat as permeant and as a reflection of themselves. They think accepting defeat equals defeated. 

It takes a person with strong character to gracefully accept defeat. It’s through failure that we learn our biggest lessons anyway.

HOW TO SHIFT YOUR FOCUS

Sometimes life happens and things aren’t exactly going according to plan. Especially with COVID-19 in our midst things may feel a little off course. When you feel off take a step back breathe, slow down and relax. It’s time to re-plan, not to take things up a notch. It’s time to get yourself mentally out of the chaos and back on track.

These are the 4 steps to shifting your focus.

1. Gratitude

Gratitude and misery do not co-exist. You get rid of misery by being thankful. Being grateful shifts your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. It places you in a position of abundance and humility instead of lack and entitlement.

Be grateful for family, health weather freedom etc

2.  Pride

Write down or think of things that you are proud of i.e., helping others, creativity, things that you do daily, your achievements, dreams and purpose. This reminds you of who you are and the great things you have accomplished in the past. This takes you from a place of self-doubt to a place of confidence.

Write things you have been through and survived and come out stronger. This places you in a position of strength and confidence. It also reminds you that you are a survivor and not a helpless victim and that its time to thrive.

3. Excitement

Write things you are excited about in your future. If you have nothing come up with something, after all, dreams are free.  Come up with things both big and small that will lift you, it can be going on vacation, having dinner at a posh restaurant or how you will start that business and become super-rich, to fixing your nails or starting a hobby or a project.

This moves you from frustration, stagnation and boredom to excitement happiness and hope.

4. Results

Write results that you are committed to achieving in the next week or 30 days or 3 months. Be it on a personal or professional level. This will give you purpose, something to look forward to instead of just having empty days.

When doing this don’t compare yourself to others. By all means, get inspiration but leave it at that.

Steve Maraboli Quote: “Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside  will change along with it.” (9 wallpapers) - Quotefancy

HOW TO DECLUTTER AND ORGANIZE YOUR MIND: GET RID OF THE NOISE IN YOUR HEAD

Sometimes we can have so much going on in one go. It might not be terrible or horrible things happening to us but there can be so much that we need to get done and other things that we are working towards and this can very easily lead to anxiety if not checked promptly.

Below are some of the tips and tactics I have used to declutter and organize my mind.

  1. Find a quiet space where you can meditate and think. If you are unable to find a quiet space then try earplugs. They do make a world of difference. You could also wake up early in the morning when everybody is asleep. This is a perfect time to meditate, pray and plan. You can also light a candle so that you can meditate more deeply.
  2. Have some positive affirmations that you say daily. The best times are before going to bed and in the morning when you wake up. You can also say them at various times during the day. Saying Positive affirmations is how you align your subconscious mind with what you want to achieve for example you can say I am capable of all I set out to achieve. I am strong smart and organized. Peace calm and serenity come to me easily. Remember negative thoughts are Satan’s way of acknowledging that you are onto good things. So, don’t stop, keep going.
  3. Write your goals and prioritize them. I.e. some may be short term or long-term goals. You can always review them at a later date. Be it weekly monthly or yearly. Writing on a book comp or phone gives you a visual picture. It makes it easy for you to prioritize.
  4. Have a plan. i.e. the actions you need to take to achieve your goals. This includes the habits you need to adopt and daily activities you need to undertake to achieve them. Read, watch YouTube videos that are relevant to what you are pursuing. Learn as much as you possibly can.
  5. Don’t waste your time in the name of chilling. There is a difference between relaxing and time-wasting. Indiscriminately watching Tv, social media and gossiping are the biggest culprits. When you are trying to declutter the last thing, you want to do is bring in more clutter and unnecessary noise.
  6. Have a daily to-do list. Written either the day before or early in the morning. So that you can at the very least have a sense of direction. This allows you to have the kind of day you want.  You get to decide how your day goes instead of life just happening and wondering how come time flies so fast.
  7. Be grateful. As cliché as this sounds it’s the quickest way to gain back control and cut out the noise. By being grateful you automatically move away from a place of lack to a place of abundance. It helps you see all the positive things that you weren’t even paying attention to. This gives you the calmness you need to declutter.
  8. Get rid of toxic people. The problem with toxic people is that they just can’t keep quiet. Sometimes all you need to do is get rid of them in whichever way that works for you. Most of the time when bad people leave your life bad things leave with them. And this might be all you need to do to declutter.
  9. Organize your physical space. This goes a long way. It gives you a clean space to sit and think after all your home is a living space, not a warehouse.
  10.  Avoid negative self-talk. Don’t say I am confused. I can’t get anything right. I am overwhelmed. Don’t even say them as a joke or in passing because They can quickly become self-fulfilling prophecies

Don’t say to yourself that which you don’t want others to say to you. Treat yourself like someone you care about.