HOW TO PREVENT STRETCH MARKS DURING PREGNANCY: NO DIETS INVOLVED

Stretchmarks aka tiger stripes can occur at any time during your pregnancy. The areas most affected are the bum, hips, thighs, stomach, upper arms, behind the knees and around the waist. However, they can appear anywhere. The best way to handle them is through prevention. However, if they have already formed then there are tips and tricks to minimize their appearance. This is a personal account of what worked for me. please note that I am not a medical practitioner of any kind. I’ll break it down into 2 parts. There are two main ways to deal with tiger stripes. One is from the inside out and the other is from the outside in.

Let’s start with the first part; from the inside out.

  1.  Ensure you take your multivitamins religiously. This will help ensure that your body is getting all the vitamins it needs at this crucial time. It also helps improve skin elasticity.
  2. Take your omega 3 supplements daily. Omega 3 is not only good for your skin but also for your baby’s brain.
  3.  Eat fish at least twice a week. Be careful not to eat too much because of the mercury content.
  4.  Add avocados to your diet. Celebrities have sworn that avocados have helped them retain youthful skin.
  5.  Add flax seeds to your diet. You can have this in your smoothies salads or soup. One teaspoon a day is enough. Flax seeds make the skin glow.
  6. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. This is non-negotiable.
  7. Drink plenty of water, hydration is key. Carry a bottle of water with you everywhere you go. The thirst in pregnancy is real.
  8. Get some exercise. Walking is a great option, but don’t strain your body. Not only does exercise help to get your blood flowing, it’s good for your mental health as well. It’s also a well-known fact that mothers who exercise during pregnancy are more likely to have intelligent children. it also helps your body bounce back faster to its original shape.
  9. Don’t smoke during your pregnancy. it’s bad for your baby and your skin. it’s the worst toxin for your skin. don’t expose yourself to second-hand smoke either, it’s just as bad if not worse than first-hand smoking.

The second part is preventing stretch marks from the outside in.

  1. Use a gentle and moisturizing shower gel or soap. Soap can be very harsh on our bodies and most are very drying. Dry skin is perfect for stretch marks to develop.
  2. Apply a good moisturizer all over your body. You never know where they can develop. Raw products that are free from chemicals are good for pregnant women.
  3. Apply heavier creams or body butter at night and in colder months. In warmer months a light moisturizer or oil will do.
  4. Apply body oil to the stretch mark prone areas i.e., stomach hips and bum frequently, at the minimum twice a day. I highly recommend palmers stretch marks cocoa butter and any raw organic Shea butter.
  5. Continue to moisturize after delivery. Most ladies think that they are out of the woods after delivery, but stretch marks can appear even after pregnancy. This is because the body is losing weight and the stomach is contracting and all this plays around with skin elasticity. Bio-oil helps greatly with skin pigmentation and stretch marks. It also gives the skin a youthful appearance.
  6. Don’t scratch your belly when you feel itchy. Get some oil and massage. Raw coconut oil helps reduce itching quickly and you can carry a tub of oil with you. Any raw coconut oil will do.

Here is a list of the products that I used

My daughter told me I should get tattoos with the names of my children. I  told her I already have quite a few of those. They're called "stretch marks"  | Confession Ecard

PRINCE CHARMING ISN’T COMING: WHY WOMEN NEED TO GET SMART ABOUT MONEY

For a long time, it was a man’s job to manage the household finances. If it wasn’t the father, it was the husband or big brother or uncle or grandfather. Any man was good enough for the job. However, they didn’t always do a good job.

 It was almost taboo for women to be involved in money matters, and even though more women are making money today, fewer women are managing or investing. The dilemma is that most women are happy to let the man manage the finances not because they are incompetent but because they find it overbearing and foreign, like a fish out of water. It seems the more things change the more they stay the same.

Prince charming has been the most paralyzing myth that was ever sold to the female species. However, that’s a story for another day. Here are a few reasons why women need to actively take part in money management and investing.

  1. Women have more funds available to them today, by way of salaries inheritance gifts, etc., they have perfected the art of making money. So, they will be getting the money before they get the man.
  2. More women are getting married older. Most will have to manage money for a while before prince charming comes along.
  3. Some women have decided that marriage isn’t a priority. Therefore, they have to manage money.
  4. When the prince finally shows up, he may not have a clue on how to manage money.  He might even show up in a dress looking for a surrogate mother. Hence, the woman will have to take on that duty.
  5. Prince charming might be a fraudster, scammer, narcissistic, or con man and steal all the money.
  6. Divorce is real and some men will be looking forward to alimony payments. ie they want their women to pay them for having married them. There are also a lot of prenups nowadays and some aren’t in the woman’s best interests.
  7. Death happens and women are notorious for outliving their husbands, even their younger husbands. therefore, it’s not a matter of if the woman will be in charge of the household finances, but, a matter of when. unfortunately, most poor women are widows who were well off financially when their husbands were alive.
  8. Women are more likely to take on the responsibility of taking care of older parents and other older family members.
  9. Women tend to have a shorter work life span. due to factors like kids, family, gender discrimination at the workplace, unequal pay, etc
  10. More women are single mothers and have sole parental responsibility for their children. This calls for financial vigilance.
  11. Children are no longer a reliable retirement plan. gone are the days when children felt obliged to take care of their parents. they expect to be fund.

The good news is that women make better money managers. mainly because:

⦁They believe they don’t know enough, therefore; they are eager to learn, they are more attentive, they put in the hours and they do their homework.

⦁ They are more likely to seek expert advice whenever they don’t understand something, unlike their male counterparts who believe that asking equals stupid.

 You are the best person to take care of your finances not because you are the smartest but because you care the most- by Barbara Stanny, author of Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money

17 Quotes About Money from #GirlBosses | Ellevate

HOW TO SHIFT YOUR FOCUS

Sometimes life happens and things aren’t exactly going according to plan. Especially with COVID-19 in our midst things may feel a little off course. When you feel off take a step back breathe, slow down and relax. It’s time to re-plan, not to take things up a notch. It’s time to get yourself mentally out of the chaos and back on track.

These are the 4 steps to shifting your focus.

1. Gratitude

Gratitude and misery do not co-exist. You get rid of misery by being thankful. Being grateful shifts your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. It places you in a position of abundance and humility instead of lack and entitlement.

Be grateful for family, health weather freedom etc

2.  Pride

Write down or think of things that you are proud of i.e., helping others, creativity, things that you do daily, your achievements, dreams and purpose. This reminds you of who you are and the great things you have accomplished in the past. This takes you from a place of self-doubt to a place of confidence.

Write things you have been through and survived and come out stronger. This places you in a position of strength and confidence. It also reminds you that you are a survivor and not a helpless victim and that its time to thrive.

3. Excitement

Write things you are excited about in your future. If you have nothing come up with something, after all, dreams are free.  Come up with things both big and small that will lift you, it can be going on vacation, having dinner at a posh restaurant or how you will start that business and become super-rich, to fixing your nails or starting a hobby or a project.

This moves you from frustration, stagnation and boredom to excitement happiness and hope.

4. Results

Write results that you are committed to achieving in the next week or 30 days or 3 months. Be it on a personal or professional level. This will give you purpose, something to look forward to instead of just having empty days.

When doing this don’t compare yourself to others. By all means, get inspiration but leave it at that.

Steve Maraboli Quote: “Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside  will change along with it.” (9 wallpapers) - Quotefancy

HOW TO DECLUTTER AND ORGANIZE YOUR MIND: GET RID OF THE NOISE IN YOUR HEAD

Sometimes we can have so much going on in one go. It might not be terrible or horrible things happening to us but there can be so much that we need to get done and other things that we are working towards and this can very easily lead to anxiety if not checked promptly.

Below are some of the tips and tactics I have used to declutter and organize my mind.

  1. Find a quiet space where you can meditate and think. If you are unable to find a quiet space then try earplugs. They do make a world of difference. You could also wake up early in the morning when everybody is asleep. This is a perfect time to meditate, pray and plan. You can also light a candle so that you can meditate more deeply.
  2. Have some positive affirmations that you say daily. The best times are before going to bed and in the morning when you wake up. You can also say them at various times during the day. Saying Positive affirmations is how you align your subconscious mind with what you want to achieve for example you can say I am capable of all I set out to achieve. I am strong smart and organized. Peace calm and serenity come to me easily. Remember negative thoughts are Satan’s way of acknowledging that you are onto good things. So, don’t stop, keep going.
  3. Write your goals and prioritize them. I.e. some may be short term or long-term goals. You can always review them at a later date. Be it weekly monthly or yearly. Writing on a book comp or phone gives you a visual picture. It makes it easy for you to prioritize.
  4. Have a plan. i.e. the actions you need to take to achieve your goals. This includes the habits you need to adopt and daily activities you need to undertake to achieve them. Read, watch YouTube videos that are relevant to what you are pursuing. Learn as much as you possibly can.
  5. Don’t waste your time in the name of chilling. There is a difference between relaxing and time-wasting. Indiscriminately watching Tv, social media and gossiping are the biggest culprits. When you are trying to declutter the last thing, you want to do is bring in more clutter and unnecessary noise.
  6. Have a daily to-do list. Written either the day before or early in the morning. So that you can at the very least have a sense of direction. This allows you to have the kind of day you want.  You get to decide how your day goes instead of life just happening and wondering how come time flies so fast.
  7. Be grateful. As cliché as this sounds it’s the quickest way to gain back control and cut out the noise. By being grateful you automatically move away from a place of lack to a place of abundance. It helps you see all the positive things that you weren’t even paying attention to. This gives you the calmness you need to declutter.
  8. Get rid of toxic people. The problem with toxic people is that they just can’t keep quiet. Sometimes all you need to do is get rid of them in whichever way that works for you. Most of the time when bad people leave your life bad things leave with them. And this might be all you need to do to declutter.
  9. Organize your physical space. This goes a long way. It gives you a clean space to sit and think after all your home is a living space, not a warehouse.
  10.  Avoid negative self-talk. Don’t say I am confused. I can’t get anything right. I am overwhelmed. Don’t even say them as a joke or in passing because They can quickly become self-fulfilling prophecies

Don’t say to yourself that which you don’t want others to say to you. Treat yourself like someone you care about.

THINGS I WANT MY DAUGHTER TO KNOW

I love raising a girl because not very long ago I was a little girl. I feel more confident because I can confidently say been there done that. However, I do acknowledge that times are different and she will have different challenges and opportunities. Here are a few things I would like her to know so that she can be the best version of herself and fulfill that which she was destined to be.

  1. Don’t take women’s rights for granted. Once upon a time woman didn’t have half the rights and privileges we enjoy today. And unfortunately, in some parts of the world, some women don’t have these rights. We owe it to those before us to take advantage of the opportunities given to us and to help other women attain these rights. Because until we are all free, then nobody is free.
  2. You might have to work twice as hard to get half as far. But if you tap into your femininity it will be a walk in the park. Women have charm and emotional intelligence that is underrated and overlooked. These are going to be one of your essential tools at the game of life and winning at it.
  3. Being a woman is nothing to be ashamed of so don’t allow anyone to use it as an insult. This is the best time to be a woman, do you and be happy, after all, everything you do will be wrong in somebody’s eyes. Make sure you are at peace with you.
  4. Do not look to the outside world for credit or validation. Neither should you concern yourself with what they think. If you do you will forever remain their prisoner.
  5. Never stop learning. That’s the only way to grow and discover yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses and when you do embrace them. For when you embrace your weaknesses then nobody can use them against you.
  6. Life is not fair. You will succeed at a lot of things but, you will also fail miserably at plenty of other things and its okay. There will always be people that are better than you at somethings but, they will never be you. It’s not a competition. It’s not you versus them but you versus you.
  7. Read as much as you possibly can. All leaders are readers.
  8. Watch your friends. Be careful who you associate with. Who you allow into your mental, physical and spiritual space. You can be happy and successful for no reason just because of who you hang out with or you could be sad and miserable just because of the people you hang out with.
  9. Don’t let the internet fool you. I am smarter than you think. What an old woman sees sitting down is more than what a young girl sees standing up. Mothers and daughters have had this debate for centuries and guess what, the verdict is out. Mom knows best. 
  10. There will be plenty of time for boys. That is all for now.
  11. There’s God he is almighty and all-knowing. You will never be alone in the world he will always walk with you. You could walk without him if you choose to but, walking with him will make your life a whole lot easier. Anything you ask of him all you need to do is believe and you shall receive.
  12. You are not just beautiful you are beyond it. You come from a long lineage of smart and strong women. You are made in the image and likeness of God.
  13. Finally, I save the most important one for last. I need you to love you like Kanye loves Kanye. I am not afraid of dying I am afraid of leaving you behind knowing that nobody will love you as I do. For that reason, I need you to be on your team and be your biggest cheerleader. Don’t betray or disrespect yourself. Your dreams, wants and needs are all valid. Don’t push them to the side. Anybody that can’t understand this has no business being in your life.

#happydaughtersday

To be continued…………

Happy Daughters' Day 2019: Best wishes, quotes, messages, images for  Facebook, WhatsApp status - more lifestyle - Hindustan Times

THINGS I WISH I KNEW ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

Motherhood besides being one of the most satisfying things one can ever have the privilege of experiencing is harder than it looks. Behind all the glory there is untold hard work and challenges that nobody can explain until you walk a mile in that shoe. I don’t mean to scare anybody but nothing good comes easy. Below are some of the things I wish I knew.

  1. You will never be truly prepared no matter how many books you read or how many babies you babysit. However, all the babysitting I had done over the years went a long way in giving me some confidence.
  2. Having a group of supportive women is very important. It’s amazing how women come together to help a new mother. It’s an elevated form of sisterhood where they support you emotionally and physically.
  3. When you are out in public with a child people are kinder, they open doors for you and they smile more. Children have a way of bringing the niceness out of people.
  4. Practical gifts like a bowl of stew say “I love you more than a box of chocolates.
  5. Overnight breast Ville is no longer a “weapon of mass destruction” you become a living food pipe and it’s not as scary as I thought it would be. 
  6. Get rid of the idea that you should do it all by yourself. This isn’t the time to be superwoman. It takes a village to raise a child. Get as much help as you can, that way you aren’t running on empty. 
  7. Women get a lot of backlash for neglecting their partners when a child comes into the picture. However, it’s time for your partner to dot on you not the other way round. You’ve earned it.
  8. A messy house will be the order of the day. I am not exactly a neat freak and I’m not a perfectionist either but even for my standards, this is a new level of messy. As a new mother take as much time to rest and get your energy back. Nobody will die if you don’t do the dishes. 
  9. You will spend an awful lot of time trying to see if your baby looks like you, and it won’t be a one-off event, it will be an everyday affair. 
  10. They say if you don’t want your son to be like him or you don’t want your daughter to marry a man like him then don’t have a baby by him. This saying hit different when you have a child. It becomes crucial that your partner isn’t just your partner but a father figure that your child can look up to.
  11. Financial freedom and literacy stops being a want and becomes a need. Something that you need to sort out quickly. You can’t stay broke because you have a child but you must become rich precisely because you have a child. In a twisted way, you start to think about death and for once you aren’t scared about dying. You will be more concerned about how your child will fare on. Selfishness goes out of the window.
  12. You have no idea how much time you have until you become a parent and your hands are figuratively and literally full. You will not have much time for yourself but you will be able to get more done in a shorter amount of time.
  13. Sleep as much as you can. I can’t stress this enough. Once you become a mother you will never sleep the same way again. When an insect crawls, you will hear. If the wind blows, you will hear. Before your baby cries, you will hear.
  14. You will have a newfound respect for your parents and all parents in general. You realize how much you took for granted. You will want to hug all the single mothers and teen mothers and tell them it will be okay. Their hardships become all too real and you can’t help but truly sympathize with them.
  15. I finally realized that the real superheroes are not on tv. It’s the lady on the supermarket aisle with 3 kids that are yelling their lungs out while she is picking groceries talking on the phone and she still manages to say “excuse me miss, I think you dropped something.” Ladies and gentlemen, that superpower is called multi-tasking. I didn’t know it was in me until I became a mum.
  16. Some days you are going to be a hot mum that has it together. Other days you will just want to chill on the couch and do nothing. There is no such thing as the perfect mum. Out of all the beautiful wonderful women out there it’s you that gets to be their mother. So, enjoy the journey.

Why you lose friends when you quit alcohol

When I embarked on my journey towards sobriety, I never thought that I would lose friends in the process. I was more concerned about quitting alcohol and staying sober. However, there were more bumps to the journey than I had anticipated. I noticed very quickly that some of the people I called friends were not very supportive of my decision. At first, they were like “oh that’s great that’s really good, congrats, keep that up.” However, as days turned into months that changed. Some friends would be like are you sure you have quit?? Another mocked me and was like oh girl you are going to get so fat. You know drinking keeps you in shape. Or, are you quitting so that you can have a good girl image?

All these baffled me. I didn’t know that some people drank to stay skinny. As far as I was concerned, normal people that didn’t have alcohol problems drank socially to enjoy themselves. So yes, this goes to show you why I started losing friends.

In my opinion yes you do lose friends that you had no business being friends with from the very beginning. The right people will support you and celebrate you.

Alcohol has a way of getting you to do or say things you would never say or do if you are sober. The same goes for people you hang out with. I’ve seen men pick up girls and girls go home with men they would never have gone home with if they were sober. When you get sober you realize that you really don’t have much in common with your so-called friends. When you take time out to evaluate the friendship you are like what was I thinking being friends with them. Actually, you realize that they were drinking buddies that you confused for genuine friends. You might think that that’s not the case because you hang out frequently but, the truth is that alcoholics drink frequently. So, it’s no surprise that you saw each other frequently. You begin to realize that your whole friendship has been centred on alcohol and that you have nothing in common. You don’t share the same views on health, wealth, love, life, etc.

Below are some of the reasons why you begin to lose friends.

  • Your definition of friend changes.

If you are a recovering alcoholic, chances are your so-called friends are alcoholics as well. When you get sober, you quickly start to realize how flawed your definition of friends was. Being sober has that effect on you. You start to see things differently. You desire to have people around you that think like you. People that are more compatible with your goals and dreams. Unfortunately, drinking buddies just don’t cut it.

  • Your social life changes

As you embark on sobriety you will want to engage in activities that don’t involve drinking. Alcoholics are very goal-oriented people. They know exactly what they want and what takes priority over everything else and that is alcohol. Your drinking buddies will not be very willing to do none drinking activities with you.

  • Misery loves company

There’s nothing more comforting for an alcoholic than drinking with a fellow alcoholic. When you quit alcohol, you are taking their comfort away. So, they begin to resent you and this can quickly turn into jealousy. This happens when they have been struggling with alcoholism and they see you succeeding where they have failed. So, they get the impression that you are better than them. Despite the fact that being sober isn’t a competition. Believe it or not, some people have a way of resenting other people’s progress. They say you know your true friends when you are down but, you also know your true friends when you are winning. They don’t say it is lonely at the top for nothing. That saying is true.

  • Reality hits you harder

Being sober is like being woke. You suddenly come to the realization that your drunk friends are not as funny as you thought they were. Jokes that you found funny are now gross if not offensive. You begin to wonder, how on earth did I put up with this behaviour for so long. You soon realize you don’t like some people as much as you thought you did. All in all, losing friends isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you have to leave some people behind. A wise person once said “If you don’t lose friends when you change your life then, you are probably doing something wrong”.

–  Anonymous.

WHEN A MAN HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIS FAMILY AND HIS SPOUSE: I CHOOSE YOU

Most new couples will at some point in their relationship find that they have to choose between their families and their spouses. I believe this was the case with Harry and Meghan when they made their decision to back down from active royal duties. Harry was saying to the world that if he has to choose between his wife and the royal family, he is choosing Meghan and their son. Whether or not it is a smart move, it says a lot about his character and that he takes his commitment to his family very seriously.

However, most people will argue that Harry is just a puppet and that Meghan pulls all the strings. Unfortunately, when a man does what is best for his wife, people have a way of blaming the woman for the man’s decision. When a man puts the needs of his wife above his own, society has a way of turning it around and make the man look like he is a weakling. While in reality, it takes a very brave man to stand up for his partner regardless of the backlash he might face. Women have been conditioned to put everyone’s needs above their own. Their needs don’t count, almost as if to say, how dare women have any needs. Most have been brought up to believe that a woman should be in servitude to her family. Women will sacrifice their careers, their time, their sleep, they will neglect their looks, their bodies, some will not even eat until everyone has had their fill. A woman is praised for being strong when she ignores her own needs, but, one can only operate in this mode for so long before they reach a breaking point. 

Meghan was newly engaged, not long after she was newly married and became a mother. These are life-changing events that take a lot from a person and right now her mental health is a top priority. The media didn’t help matters much. Even in her pregnancy, she wasn’t immune from the trolls. They would pick apart her outfits and criticize her for wearing heels and please don’t even get me started on the fact that the media had an issue with her cradling her baby bump. That’s a disgustingly low blow even for a lowlife. A pregnant woman shouldn’t be humiliated or feel embarrassed about how and when she chooses to bond with her unborn child. Whether or not she is a celebrity. 

A man has the duty of providing and protecting his family in all aspects i.e. financially, physically and emotionally. The mental health and happiness of his partner are non-negotiable. If anything threatens their peace and sanity then it has to go. Especially when she is a mother because a child’s happiness is very much linked to their mother’s happiness. 

Someone once said to me, “if I talk to someone and I get a headache, it doesn’t matter whether they are right and I am wrong, that conversation is over.” Looking back, it’s all about having the guts to put yourself first regardless of the consequences. It’s the art of choosing you. There will always be so much of the world and it’s easy to feel lost in it and its expectations. The only person watching out for you is you, and having a partner that chooses you over everyone else is the icing on the cake. 

 #selfcareisntselfish 

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WHY MOST PEOPLE DON’T SUPPORT YOUR DREAMS

If you have ever wanted to embark on something big, be it a new business, or a new career or an extreme weight loss program or even a hobby that will improve your life. You must have been very shocked when you told someone or everybody you told shot it down. It’s very confusing when you are on the receiving end of this kind of treatment. You will think, for once I have a brilliant idea, why can’t they just support me? You wonder why this happens. Unfortunately, this lack of support and criticism may be from your parents, partners, friends, haters, teachers, “mentors “, siblings are extremely notorious for this. Some will come up with a thousand ways why your idea is destined to fail. Some will laugh at you and dismiss you. The very toxic ones will humiliate you and embarrass you for even thinking you can do better.

These are the reasons they don’t support you. 

  • They mean well. This is true for parents who don’t support their children’s choice of careers. For example, they may believe that it’s better to be an accountant than to be a you- tuber. That’s because they are more comfortable with something tried and tested other than something new and unknown.
  • They are jealous and insecure. When you want to do better some people just can stand it. They feel as though their position is under threat and that they will no longer be relevant. Most of the time, people that criticize you, know your value even when you don’t. They forget that their jealousy doesn’t block your destiny. For example, in the bible, there is the story of David and his older brother Eliab. When Eliab heard that David was enquiring about Goliath and that he was having a good rapport with the soldiers he started to mock him and asked him who was taking care of the sheep and that he wasn’t a soldier and that he had no business being at the camp. Later, David became king of Israel and king over Eliabs.
  • They don’t understand your goal. This happens when you tell your friends about a business idea and they aren’t conversant with the industry. It’s like asking a cobbler to support and give you ideas on how to run a jewellery shop. You are better off discussing your plans with people that are already successful in the industry that you are interested in; they are better suited to giving you the support you need.
  • They have a scarcity mentality. When you have a grand idea that requires a lot of money it’s likely to scare people and most of them will advise you against investing that kind of money into a business or even on yourself. For example, they will not understand why you spend a lot of money on a luxury car when you could have donated the money to charity or invested it. They don’t believe in abundance; they don’t see how you could have that car, make worthwhile investments and donate to charity. They believe to have one you must pass on the other. 
  • You are looking for support from haters. These are downright toxic people who are committed to finding fault with everything you do. Nothing you ever do will be good enough for them. They are mainly strangers or people whose opinion doesn’t count but they have an opinion anyway. Ironically, their hate and criticism can work into challenging you to not only go far but to go further than they said you could.

The thing about dreams and ambitions is that they are given to us by a superpower. Be it God or the universe. Every person has a dream unique to the individual. Rarely will two people have the same passion or ambition, and even when they do, the expression of that dream differs from person to person. Dreams are given to you for a reason and a purpose. It’s up to you and only you to believe in them. Nobody else has the duty of believing in them. If everybody else had the duty of believing in them, it would have been given to them too. Most people don’t know or understand your dreams, because ambitions whisper, they don’t roar. They keep you awake at night until you turn them into reality. 

When people undermine your dreams, predict your doom or criticize you remember they are telling you their story, NOT YOURS–Cynthia Occelli.

AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU: THE GUILT TRIP

If you have ever tried to cut ties with someone or the friendship or relationship just went cold, you must have heard things like, “after all, I’ve done for you” or “ you never know when I might be useful” or “my door is always open” after they have committed their atrocities. This is what a guilt trip looks like. Its manipulation and creates resentment. It is a form of psychological abuse.

Examples of guilt trips

  • Someone does something offensive and then gets offended that you are offended. Or acts a fool and pretends like they never did anything wrong and that you are at fault. They forgive you for getting angry at their nasty behaviour.
  • They try and make it look like they did you a favour when in reality there wasn’t much in it for you, and they proceed to act as though they never got anything out of it. A perfect example is when a mother tries to manipulate a child into doing something and they go like “I gave birth to you” for goodness sake the child was born without their permission they didn’t even sign up for it.
  • They make you feel like something is your fault when it isn’t. So that you can “fix” it by doing as they are demanding. Unfortunately, these demands usually come across as requests and that is why they are so convincing.

Characteristics of guilt trippers

  1. They have a desire to be needed. That’s why they say things like, you never know when you will need me. These are people that are happy when you fail. They sit and eagerly await your downfall so that you can go back crying to them for help.
  2. They are insecure and feel unworthy They need to preach their worth. They want to be considered worthy even when they aren’t. That’s why they use phrases like, you never know when I might be useful to you.
  3. They are selfish. These are people who are only friends with you because of what they think they can get from you. They have no idea what true friendship is. They don’t mind sugar-coating the truth if it will get them what they want.
  4. They have a sense of entitlement They forget that friendship with anyone is a privilege and not a right. They believe that their friends owe them something or that they can make demands on them.
  5. They lack accountability. If they do something, and it doesn’t go according to plan, they will pin it on you. They will never accept the role they played that brought about the conflict and the only way to make it right according to them is to give in to their demands as usual.
  6. They aren’t genuine. They eagerly wait for you to be in trouble or need help so that they can use your situation to their advantage. What you see isn’t what you get and they are dishonest as well. 

How to deal with them

1. Don’t give in to their demands.

When dealing with guilt trippers you have to put a stop to it because they won’t. They are morally bankrupt, so don’t expect them to stop. When you give in to their demands the first time they will keep demanding, it’s a never-ending cycle. 

2. Consider their deeds paid in full.

 If they give you anything consider it a gift and appreciate it. If they expect something in return then that is business, that isn’t help and they shouldn’t trick you into thinking that they helped you because they didn’t. They did so for their own selfish needs. Instead of trapping you into something you had no idea about, they should have stated what they wanted in return from the beginning. 

3. Don’t make it your problem.

Don’t get mad and don’t get your feelings hurt. They are who they are. Nothing you do will be enough for them. If you get hurt then you are making it your problem. You are allowing them to project their insecurities on you.

4. Feel free to cut them off.

You don’t need them. Your sanity isn’t negotiable. Anything or anyone that threatens your sanity isn’t needed. If you managed to get out of a situation or friendship that was draining you, remember God will not allow you to crawl back to the hell hole, he dragged you from. If you ever need someone, he will send someone better your way.

 No one meant to be in your life will ever require you to betray yourself to keep them. – Anonymous  

  • For any further enquiries or if there is anything you would like me to address feel free to email me at knightlady039@gmail.com or leave a  comment.